My Hell

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Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in the "lilithnight" journal:

August 11th, 2004
10:45 pm [Link]	Who the fuck do they think they are [Disclamer: Before I get a bunch of people trying to guess who "They" are, they referes to all the scientists, especially psycologists and psychiatrists, and therapists of the world] Im fed up with this. With everything. Who the fuck do they think they are, with their labels of "insane" , "hallusinations" , even "reality". Who gave them permission to define Reality? I know enough about the way I think to be able to alter my perceptions to see winter when everyone else says its summer. My snow-covered trees, and ice, this is my December. Yet you presume to call that a hallucination? I have as much reason to doubt your summer as I do my Winter. Reality is based on perception, and perception only. If I see winter, then in my world it is winter, and this is true, real. You say its wrong because others can't see it? Thats funny because you say pluto exist when most people can't see that either. You see it so you believe it, nothing more. And people believe you because you offer them proof. That is the one major fault in your thinking, there is no truly solid proof. What if Pluto is an illusion? What if there was a problem in programming and your reports are wrong? If you were walking and someone told you Pluto existed in a different part of Space in space-time, and you looked around and couldn't see it, would that mean it couldn't be true? No? Then how come when I say Winter exists on a different plane of Reality, you dont see it so you label me Insane? What if Im not crazy, what if Im just experiencing reality from a slightly different angle. sure it looks different to me, but thats no diferent then someone seingthe world while hanging upside down from the monkey bars. Its not wrong, its just different. So SHUT THE FUCK UP when you decide that the people in my head aren't real. maybe not in your reality, but they are as complex as any human and as real as any other to me. And when you call "Innapropriate Laughter" a sign of Schizophrenia? Maybe Im just laughing because I can't cry! And Aggresiveness? well, sence ACCORDING TO YOU I can't trust my brain, well thats my last line of defence, isn't it!? ESPECIALLY since with you're "treatment" all you sucseeded in doing was to mess with my reflexses. So yes, maybe you should think before trying to define reality and before you start handing out your labels, because I think its all a load of Bullshit. Fuck you all. Current Mood: I hate everything. (5 comments \| Leave a comment)
August 9th, 2004
03:09 pm [Link]	Back ladida. Im back from west Virginia. Got to go hiking. Got to watch Satelite Tv. Got to listen to banjo music and "you might be a hic when" jokes. Survived going to church even though it was incredibly akward. They made me take care of small children. .... Suddenly Im really...I dunno, lazy. Blah. Oh yeah, recently Ive been feeling really dizzy. Its weird. Every other minute it feels like everything shifts and Im left all disoriented. Its become a regular pattern and I'm not sure why. Maybe I did damage my head when I rammed it against the wall 10 times and then sent myself insane out of boredom. And WTF!?!?! Today I wasn't hungry, and they had to force me to eat. I'm NEVER not hungry! Im Elle! I dont understaaannnd.... meh. Current Mood: lazy (Leave a comment)
August 2nd, 2004
01:03 pm [Link]	Otakon is over Yep, its over. but OMG! IT WAS SO MUCH FUN! Day One. Dressed up as Sheeta from Laputa:Castle in the sky. Stood in line for a really long time. Well, not as long as I should have. I found Alex, who I "knew" from Einstein (meaning I sorta remembered his name) and joined in with him. It turned out he had befreinded a random person in line and had cheated too. After waiting for a really long time we saw this guy with a box walking down the line and followed him to somewhere close to the entrance. I might have cut an hour out of my wait like that. shrug It was fun. I hugged people with awesome costumes. Met people too. Wore a sign that said "Kiss me if your Yuri" and got kissed twice. Got spanked by a yaoi paddle by a woman at the Yaoi stand who was buying porn for underage kids. She is my hero. weeeee. Bought some "censored" yuri that they allowed anyone to get and a yaoi doujishi. By "censored" I mean it had a tiny black bar across a couple of pictures. Day Two. Wore my white tiger ears and gloves and black clothes and called myself a tiger youkai. Well, after seeing everyone with "hug me" signs, i made one too. Got hugged by at least 450 people, but stopped keeping track after that. Everyone loves the cat-girls! Made me feel special. I forgot to call Dylan. Sorry Dylan. Watched AMV's, did stuff, had fun. Alot of fun. Got hugged alot. Day Three. Wore the same as yesterday, but plus my fuzzy white-tiger pants/tail. Got more hugs. Ate icecream. I bought a reeeeaaaally rrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaally good pic of my bishonen Fluffy and a Kirara (Kilala?) plushy. Went home and collapsed from lack of sleep/food over the last three days. I had been existing on Otakon exitement only. Today, I'm just relaxing. Well, Otakon is over. Time to start a costume for next year. Do You Pocky? Current Mood: content (Leave a comment)
July 29th, 2004
10:53 pm [Link]	OTAKON!!!! OMG! Ok, So I haven't updated in a while, because my life has been pretty sucky and boring and there wasn't much to talk about. Plus there was a week when I was on vacation and didn't have my computer. Vacation. The cabin. was covered. in DEAD ANIMALS! EVERYWHERE! But other than that, it was awesome. I hat CABLE! and a HOT TUB! ohh, the hot tub was heaven. Otakon. OTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKONOTAKON!!!!!!! AND I HAVE A COTUME! THANK YOU MIAZAKI! Thank you Sheeta from Castle in the sky! YAY!!!!! Even though I only have 50 something dollars, but still! IM GOING! YAY!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Current Mood: Does the anime happy dance Current Music: LalalaLalaLalalalalaLala (Leave a comment)
July 13th, 2004
05:15 pm [Link]	I wanted to have a Journal, like all the cool kids I have a lj now. Incase you hadn't noticed... But anyway, yeah, I now have something that doesn't care that I can rant to about my fucked up life since it just annoyes everyone else and its not like anyone's gonna read this anyway. Friends: Right now everyone hates each other. not sure why, but there are about 5 separate fights going on at the same time. Me: It's been a while since I escaped from the crazy place and I still haven't worked out all of the things they did to my brain. Turns out Im schizophrenic, oh joy. Still have to see a shrink. At least she has candy. Other: Meh. Bored. Not much to do. Leaving on friday. Current Mood: I wish he'd come back Current Music: Mad World playing in my head (Leave a comment)